I thought about doing an AI image of Jesus dressed in a sexy bunny suit, but I just can't do JC dirty like that. We met briefly once on the mound and he's as lovely as you would expect. I also can't abide AI art when human artists' need our support now more than ever! Initiate on theme memes appropriation distribution in 3...2...1...
Cockney in the Post Office
The holiday season is upon us and I'm trying to get things out early this year so I went to the post office last week to send a few things off. It was an exciting little adventure! First time I was in line the lady in front of me went up to the window and asked if she should get the Betty White stamps, but the lady at the window said she didn't have any "Betty White" stamps but she's got "Betty Ford." I was intrigued and immediately wanted Betty White stamps too now that I know such a thing exists, except that they won't actually be available until 2025. So then the lady with the Cockney accent asked if she could get some international stamps and when the lady at the window handed them to her and they were the Chrysanthemum one's from last year. So the lady asked, "Are these leftovers? You got something new, don't ya?"
The lady at the window said know, "No, they didn't bother printing anything new for internationals this year." Both ladies agreed it must be a cost cutting measure. Though I was equally disappointed. I send out seven international posts a year, mostly to Japan, but one to the Cech Republic and another to France, as well.
When it was my turn, my cards were fine and the box I was sending, a wedding present for my niece and her fiancée were fine, but the most important piece of mail, the fat envelope of papers required by the state to help me pay for my mom's care had a missing number in the zip code and I had to step out of line and go back through once I had it corrected. All this time I could hear little birds chirping from the mailroom behind the windows.
As I got back in line the woman in front of me was there to pick up her two dozen baby chicks and the box seemed shockingly small for such a number of little fluff balls I couldn't help but wonder how one even gets that many in there and the lid shut without all of them escaping. The man behind me was very amused. It never occurred to him that people could ship live animals through the postal service.
Sadly, despite buying an even extra amount of bubble wrap, my niece's present likely ended up much as the picture of the box above as the glass bowl that had been perfectly cast to rest upon it's driftwood base was completely shattered into pieces. 😞
It looked like this:
The British Grandma
I've meant to tell you about the British grandma that blazes up and down our street multiple times a day. When first I met her she drove a classic English Racing Car Green Jaguar with the shiny hood ornament and all! Now she suffices with a sleek red BMW. Her son is a banker, her daughter-in-law is a sweet mess of an American woman who seems perpetually resigned to not be good enough. The only Grandchild, a boy, is a nice shy thing closely guarded by his grandmother.
She's got that got that uber posh English accent that makes me think of Ms. Toddington from Wallace & Gromit's Curse of the Were-Rabbit. It's only thanks to Nick Park's animated short Creature Comforts that I can even tell you what accent is from where.
She seems polite enough and yet every time I have spoken to her, she burns me with words. One year she asked what we were doing for Mother's Day and I said we were going to go see Detective Pikachu starring Ryan Reynolds. "Why on earth would you want to do that? It's a child's movie."
Both her grandson and my son were standing there as that is when we would often meet was; when it was time to walk to school and her grandson said rather dejectedly, "I'd like to see Detective Pikachu."
I said, "Well, it's more of a family movie and I do like Ryan Reynolds and well, I do like animations, especially from Japan!"
(Dear reader, if you don't know, Mother's Day really isn't about the mothers really. It is an opportunity for kids to show their appreciation towards their mother, but its really capitalism in a dress. An excuse for businesses to have sales, sell flowers, and for families to wait in long lines for brunch on a Sunday in May. Father's Day is for selling grills at it occurs at the start of summer.)
Sadly, I remember when the boy had gotten a young cat and someone had accidently left a door open and the cat got out. They put up lost posters of the adorable cat, but they never saw it again. The British Grandma stopped me while walking the dog and said, "You've seen the poster, tell me honestly, have you seen the cat?"
"I'm sorry, I heard it get taken by a wild animal. It was terrible." That's all I told her.
Let me tell you honestly, we were traumatized though. The Mister and I had just laid down for bed around midnight the same day the cat had gotten out and in the dark and stillness we suddenly heard a cat scream, "No!" My eyes welled up with tears and I said, "Oh my heart." and the Mister said, "Yeah." It echoed in our brains for days.
She said, "Oh why did you tell me that?!?!" And I said, "You asked for honesty, the cat is dead. You know this is wild country!"
One of my favorite moments regarding her though was during a massive snowstorm. There were no vehicles getting in and out the neighborhood for three days. The plows could barely keep the main roads clear, and I wondered what good it did if no one could get out to them, but then here comes British Grandma marching down the middle of our snowy street in her stylish knee-high boots, wool jacket and red scarf. Hahaha. "Oh look, there's British perseverance marching down our street."
💜
